A Love Tragedy

Have you ever cried so much that you swear you could actually feel your heart literally break into pieces? Doing so, you have your hand over your chest just to keep it from falling apart out of pain, & hurt, & frustration, disappointment and helplessness? I have. I’ve done monologues (while crying), and I swore, and I cursed, and I asked for strength. You start feeling better as you play adrenaline pumping happy songs, then one song plays..and every memory, every feeling & love comes rushing back and it knocks you out again from sanity and insanity. It then starts all over again…the crying. You then try to surround yourself with familiar faces, wishing and believing you’d forget. For sometime, you do as you drown yourself with fake smiles & laughter. But as hours pass, you again fall into a blackhole. Even with all the familiar happy faces around you, you still feel alone and isolated. It’s like you’re on your own invisible bubble that no one can pop. You continue smiling and laughing because that's what they expect you to do, to forget and move on. But then when you’ve given your life to someone, built your plans around them, offered all of your time, and shared so much, IT’S NEVER EASY. It’s hard as hell. You know someday, in someway, you’d get through..but it’s gonna be a long and painful ride.

Randomly, memories flashes back in collages. It hurts again & you gasp for air everytime. You breathe just to know you’re gonna be okay. When you’ve given so much to someone, every song, every place, every scent that distinctively connects you with that person makes you stop on your tracks and grieve again. Until you find yourself actually search for that distinct smell, or song, or place just to feel that person again. But in this parallel universe, love’s irony is that when you seek..that’s when you’ll not find. You stand in that one corner you’d expect to see that person pass by..and they never do. Then one day, you just stop searching and that’s the time when you see them everywhere…expected or unexpected. Suddenly, you realize you’ve already stopped searching and waiting… for the first time, you feel free. You then smile—‘coz that’s when you’ve finally let go. #