Thinspiration

I can't stop eating. I've been munching on anything, as in ANYTHING I can lay my hands on. I'm having a stomachache (aside from my fucking cramps). Argh. But I never gain weight. I am desperate to get fat and everybody knows that. And my merch buddies and Row 4 knows I am a consistent eater. As in they seldom see me not chewing. Lily and I have our own food reserve drawer. I have a bottle of peanut butter stashed somewhere (I think it's in Vian's drawer) and she has a bottle of cheese whiz in my drawer. Haha. I don't know where the cookies Mich gave us yesterday are (it's missing! To the culprit: Pls. just give it back!) but the Piaya is half finished. Sorry but it's addicting.

So there, I never get fat. And I hear a lot of people say they want to get as thin as me (which I totally don't have any fucking idea why). One of my friend, Hi Kim! (haha), called me her "thinspiration". Wow. Haha. It breaks my heart everytime. It's because I've seen people dine over pineapple and homemade salad, do 3-day food diets, just to get thin. AND I, I basically chomp on any food (with preferably lotsa oil and fats!) and finish 2 cups of rice during lunchtime just to gain weight. You know what I mean? It's a freakin' curse! This is again a testimony of how unfair life is! Why is it that for some people, gaining weight is as fast as Michael Phelps in the olympics and losing weight is like dragging 3 sacks of brick up Mt. Everest in under 1 hour. For me, it's the other way around. I can lose weight as fast as I can say f--- you. I enrolled in a weight gain program in Brickroad gym but for 1 month of utmost training it only got my butt firmer (which by this time has been again called by gravity) and I gained some teeny weeny muscles on both my arms (which looks yucky and also by this time has disappeared). The program was mainly weights and not too much cardio, I can't sweat 'coz it might make me lose weight. One time while I was doing one of my leg exercise in front of me is a mommy who is sweating like crazy, she said she needs to lose some pounds for Boracay. She asked me what I was doing there I said I am trying to gain weight, and she gave me that puzzled look. Duh! Not everyone who goes to the gym is desperate to shed some pounds. Argh. So after my training program, I never returned to the gym(ha!) I thought I would never really achieve anything as long as I'm working night shift and choosing my bed over our dining table. Well, I think that's the primary reason why I never get fat. I work at night, so whenever I go home sometimes I just fall right asleep skipping lunch and dinner. Fine fine, it's my fault. Kathy said I should be eating 6 times a day. At work, I think I'm eating more than that. I eat like a pig. You should see me eat. And I eat basically anything. Except of course tinapa and fish belly.

I also know that if I continue eating oily foods I could die of heart attack anytime. So pls. if you know any nutritionist, pls. tell them to call me.

To Keira Knightly,

I totally feel for you. And I totally understand you when you said that not all people who are thin, are freaking anorexic. I dunno why they never get it! Sometimes, I just choose to label myself as an anorexic bitch so people won't ask me anymore how I got this slim (i prefer slim over thin it sounds more sexy). It's not always about choices! Curses happen! For real!

xoxo,

A